I’m not addicted… I can quit any time Iwant

Addictions are a funny thing. I know for a fact that Ihave been suject to my own over that last few years.

-I’m a smoker who is trying to quit.
-I played World of Warcraft for about nine (9) years.
-I eat compulsively based on my surroundings.
-I don’t drink anymore, but when I did, Icould have been considered a temporary alcoholic.

The problem is I have an addictive personality. Well, at least that is what people tell me. I don’t quite think that statement holds much water, but it is still what people say. It sounds like a bunch of “do what you want and have something to blame it on” kind of excuse to me.
I think the big thing that people don’t do enough is take enough personal responsibility for their actions… myself included.

So, looking at each of my addictions, Ican see that each one can be conquered by taking personal responsibility for my actions in each case. As always, I have examples.

World of Warcraft: It’s funny, I have already broken this one. I quit playing about a year ago. Before that, I had quit playing for 6 months, picked it up again for three months due to attending a remote school, and then quit again. But like I said, I have been clean for around a year. I still find myself reading on the internet, or looking at screenshots, or looking for something to do and wishing that I could be back in Azeroth. I had a good time for those 9 years that I played. There was social content, a real mental challenge, and there was always something to do. Even if you were bored, you were having fun doing it. The game itself was addictive to the point that I would play for 8 hours a day. That’s a lot of time to ignore family, children, friends, and work.
It finally came to a close when it nearly impacted my marriage with a divorce. Needless to say, I don’t play anymore. Since quitting, I spend time with my children and my wife, and I have picked up other interests such as quilting and wood working that don’t require that kind of time investment that Ihad put in.
Personal responsibility allowed me to quit.

Smoking: This is a tough one. I have been a smoker for about 7 years now. I actually regret picking it up. It’s a horrible habit. I remember telling my wife that I could quit at any time. I picked it up and hadn’t stopped until about 3 days ago. I haven’t had a real cigarette in 72 hours. It’s a small amount of time, but it’s a start. It requires me to realize that I am personally responsibile for my actions. I chose to stop… so I stopped. Crazy right?!

Drinking: I don’t like hangovers so I don’t drink. Easy enough. Not gonna beat that dead horse.

Eating: Oh boy, this is why I actually started writing this post. Backstory time.
I found myself cleaning off my wifes desk yesterday and I had picked up a potpie that my daughter had barely touched. I remembered that I was watching my caloric intake so Icouldn’t have any of this deliciously salty meat and potato pie thing. As I walked to the kitchen, I said out loud “One bite won’t hurt”.
So I took a bite.
OMG it was good.
I took a second bite.
I actually verbally said “Garen, you can’t be eating this”. And then I started to argue internally that I couldn’t stop. I needed to eat this pie. I had to eat this food or something in the cosmos would never align properly.
I found that no matter how hard I tried, I could not put that food down.
I finished the 560 calorie pot pie that tasted like shame and guilt.
Salty shame, and tangy creamy guilt.
I sit on the couch each night with my wife and we watch TV. I find that we snack the entire time. I find that we almost always have a soda in our hands.
Personal responsibility hasn’t kicked all the way in yet.
I actually feel like Iam addicted to food. Good food, bad food, crappy food… just food.
I have a problem. I know that I do. I’m fully aware of it. I just need to find a way around it.

While I have been writing this post, I have come to an interesting series of thoughts. For someone that wants to be so outspoken against the evils of fatlogic, I sure seem to be showing some. So… how do I get around it?
Good question.
I’m thinking that personal responsibility my actually come in to play.
I go back to work tomorrow after a long holiday period off. I’m not sure how it will go for me regarding food. Looks like we’ll just have to see what happens.

Wish me luck? Or something?

-RH

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Daily Prompt: Beyond the Pale

Daily Prompt: Beyond the Pale.

When was the last time I did something new?

Holy crap… that’s a tough question.

I mean, I do little new things all the time. I play new games. I try new recipes. I even try new exercises. But as for something completely new? That’s a rough one.

I know that most of the Daily Prompt posts are usually short. People write them in an effort to dig up support from the community, a half hearted attempt to get more viewers, subscribers, and regular readers. The unfortunate part of all of that is that it is exactly what I said… Half-Hearted.

So, I figure that while the topic is bland, I’ll give it some real effort and come up with something substantial to write about.

 

The last big thing that I tried that was new was working out for the purpose of losing weight.

sure, I had tried to lose weight in the past but it always consisted of just getting rid of soda in my diet. That was a big deal because I was killing off easily three liters or cola in a 24 hour period. That’s a crap ton of Beetus Juice.

I figured that I was so much heavier than I should be that I wouldn’t be able to scam my way through my semi-annual weigh-in’s at work any more. It came time to actually do something about the weight.

I was weighing in at 199lbs. For someone with my size frame, I was required to have a maximum weigh of 186. Those 15 pounds were going to cost me my job, my way of life, and possibly have very negative affects on my family. So, it was time to do something.

 

My wife and I went to the gym.

That seems like the right answer, doesn’t it? We bought a membership and started going each day. I would do an hour of weight lifting and she would do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weights. This seemed to be working for us… kinda… except that we weren’t losing any weight.

*Cue the montage here*

-We went to the internet.

-We started using MyFitnessPal.

-We got our hands on Fitbits.

-We picked up some at home equipment.

-We USED the at home equipment.

-We educated ourselves.

-We eliminated any and all Fatlogic from our lives.

*End Montage*

We found that when we were controlling our caloric intake and followed the simple rule of “Calories In < Calories Out”, that losing weight became easier.

We coupled those tools of MFP and the FitBit and tracked our efforts on the home gym equipment. We were able to see exactly what we had to do in order to meet the goals to lose weight.

I started getting skinnier. My wife went from a size 24 dress to a size 18. That was huge.

We were looking and feeling great.

No excuses.  Smaller portions. A little exercise. And the idea of “It’s my thyroid” or “I have a cundishun” being eliminated from our lives ensured that we were quickly becoming healthier.

6 weeks later when I stepped on to the scale and I was weighing in at 176lbs, I was feeling freaking AWESOME! I looked good, and I could run a mile if I wanted to.

I had learned to work out to lose the weight and I have figured out how to make positive changes in my life to make myself feel better.

I have picked up the unexpected side affect of no longer having ANY pity or sympathy for people that argue about weight loss being impossible, or that they can be “Healthy at every size”, or that believe that I have some sort of “Thin-Privilege”. I call Bull-Shit on that entire fat acceptance movement.

I made the change and I’m willing to help anyone out there that wants to do the same.

Simple diet. Simple effort. And the willingness to be honest with myself is all that it took.

So, I did something new. It worked better than expected. And I couldn’t be happier with the results or more willing to help others do the same.

 

-RH

Twitching, Shaking, and Grumbling

It’s been 24 hours. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot, but over the last 24 hours Ihaven’t had a cigarette.
That’s a pretty big deal to me.
Sure, I’ve moved to an e-cig format. And yes, I’m still taking in nicotine, but considerably smaller amounts.
And the actual smoking of the cigarette is gone.
Most people won’t care, but for me, this is a big deal.