I’m not addicted… I can quit any time Iwant

Addictions are a funny thing. I know for a fact that Ihave been suject to my own over that last few years.

-I’m a smoker who is trying to quit.
-I played World of Warcraft for about nine (9) years.
-I eat compulsively based on my surroundings.
-I don’t drink anymore, but when I did, Icould have been considered a temporary alcoholic.

The problem is I have an addictive personality. Well, at least that is what people tell me. I don’t quite think that statement holds much water, but it is still what people say. It sounds like a bunch of “do what you want and have something to blame it on” kind of excuse to me.
I think the big thing that people don’t do enough is take enough personal responsibility for their actions… myself included.

So, looking at each of my addictions, Ican see that each one can be conquered by taking personal responsibility for my actions in each case. As always, I have examples.

World of Warcraft: It’s funny, I have already broken this one. I quit playing about a year ago. Before that, I had quit playing for 6 months, picked it up again for three months due to attending a remote school, and then quit again. But like I said, I have been clean for around a year. I still find myself reading on the internet, or looking at screenshots, or looking for something to do and wishing that I could be back in Azeroth. I had a good time for those 9 years that I played. There was social content, a real mental challenge, and there was always something to do. Even if you were bored, you were having fun doing it. The game itself was addictive to the point that I would play for 8 hours a day. That’s a lot of time to ignore family, children, friends, and work.
It finally came to a close when it nearly impacted my marriage with a divorce. Needless to say, I don’t play anymore. Since quitting, I spend time with my children and my wife, and I have picked up other interests such as quilting and wood working that don’t require that kind of time investment that Ihad put in.
Personal responsibility allowed me to quit.

Smoking: This is a tough one. I have been a smoker for about 7 years now. I actually regret picking it up. It’s a horrible habit. I remember telling my wife that I could quit at any time. I picked it up and hadn’t stopped until about 3 days ago. I haven’t had a real cigarette in 72 hours. It’s a small amount of time, but it’s a start. It requires me to realize that I am personally responsibile for my actions. I chose to stop… so I stopped. Crazy right?!

Drinking: I don’t like hangovers so I don’t drink. Easy enough. Not gonna beat that dead horse.

Eating: Oh boy, this is why I actually started writing this post. Backstory time.
I found myself cleaning off my wifes desk yesterday and I had picked up a potpie that my daughter had barely touched. I remembered that I was watching my caloric intake so Icouldn’t have any of this deliciously salty meat and potato pie thing. As I walked to the kitchen, I said out loud “One bite won’t hurt”.
So I took a bite.
OMG it was good.
I took a second bite.
I actually verbally said “Garen, you can’t be eating this”. And then I started to argue internally that I couldn’t stop. I needed to eat this pie. I had to eat this food or something in the cosmos would never align properly.
I found that no matter how hard I tried, I could not put that food down.
I finished the 560 calorie pot pie that tasted like shame and guilt.
Salty shame, and tangy creamy guilt.
I sit on the couch each night with my wife and we watch TV. I find that we snack the entire time. I find that we almost always have a soda in our hands.
Personal responsibility hasn’t kicked all the way in yet.
I actually feel like Iam addicted to food. Good food, bad food, crappy food… just food.
I have a problem. I know that I do. I’m fully aware of it. I just need to find a way around it.

While I have been writing this post, I have come to an interesting series of thoughts. For someone that wants to be so outspoken against the evils of fatlogic, I sure seem to be showing some. So… how do I get around it?
Good question.
I’m thinking that personal responsibility my actually come in to play.
I go back to work tomorrow after a long holiday period off. I’m not sure how it will go for me regarding food. Looks like we’ll just have to see what happens.

Wish me luck? Or something?

-RH

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Twitching, Shaking, and Grumbling

It’s been 24 hours. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot, but over the last 24 hours Ihaven’t had a cigarette.
That’s a pretty big deal to me.
Sure, I’ve moved to an e-cig format. And yes, I’m still taking in nicotine, but considerably smaller amounts.
And the actual smoking of the cigarette is gone.
Most people won’t care, but for me, this is a big deal.

2014 New Years Resolutions

Twenty fourteen is upon us.

A new year. A new start. A new list of possibilities. A whole new box of stuff that can make life increasingly difficult… etc… etc… etc.

Because of this arbitrary point in time that we as humans choose to observe, I too have come up with a list of things that I resolve to change this year. I’ve had decent success in the past with resolutions, but I feel that this years list will be bigger than most years in the past. I’m looking at some fairly hefty stuff to put on the plate for the upcoming 525,949 minutes of my life.

I won’t sit and rant about it yet. Instead, I’ll provide you with the list and we will work from there. After you read the paltry (HA!) list, keep reading for the rants you have come to love so much.

I present you with my 2014 New Years Resolutions…

STUFF GAREN RESOLVES TO DO

1. Lose Weight (Down to 160lbs)

2. Quit Smoking

3. Keep my Kitchen Clean

4. Promote at Work

Well, the list is short enough. That’s only four (4) things really. Anyone can do 4 things… right?!

However, if we really look at these four things, they are pretty big. So, as promised, here is the associated rant.

1. Lose Weight

I currently weigh in at 182lbs. (82.3kg) I’m not fat by any means, but I’m surely not where I want to be. When I joined the US Coast Guard 11 years ago, I weighed in at 145lbs and I was pretty happy with my size. Over the years of driving a desk and enjoying the edibles that my paycheck (and Taco Bell) has provided me, I ballooned up to 199.5lbs. Over the course of the last year however, I have lost a little bit of weight and was able to pull myself down to my fluffy 182. Having learned what is involved, and what is required to continue losing weight, I feel that it’s a reasonable goal to get down to 160lbs by the end of the year. Hell, if I really work at it, I could be there in as little as 3 months. But hey, no point in almost dying just to look like I stud. (Hint: I always look like a stud!)

2. Quit Smoking

At the beginning of 2013, I was smoking upwards of a pack a day (Menthols! WOO!) and had no real intention of putting out the effort to quit. I wanted to quit, don’t misunderstand, but the work required was a little too brutal for my tastes. A lot of things have happened in the last 12 months that have made things interesting on the smoking front. But over the last few months, things have finally lined up that I think I have a real chance of fixing this little problem of mine. From Vaporizers that cut out the smoke, to a lovely wife who is supporting the efforts of her own accord, I believe that I have a real chance at this. Knock it all you want, but I’m going to at least try. After all, I get a rise out of proving other people wrong. So let’s see what happens… shall we?

3. Keep my Kitchen Clean

Yeah, I have NO idea how I’m going to pull this one off. Honestly, with the other three people in the house contributing to the mess like it’s a life goal to keep me from having a clean kitchen for more than 18 minutes, I’m going to have to come up with something that works better than what I’ve been doing. I’m thinking a Taser and a Baseball bat might be effective in this endeavor.

4. Promote at work

There is only so much that I can do to increase my odds of promoting at work. I can keep being a rock star and getting awesome employee reviews, and I can study. That’s really about it. Honestly, I know I can do the first part, and as much as I hate the second part, I’m pretty sure that I can do that too. It’s just going to take time.

Time… yeah…. that’s a precious resource I don’t have enough of.

This might be trickier than I thought.

Either way, that’s my plan. What’s yours?

So, tell me what you think in the comments section below, I’ll consider writing a post if the comments carry enough weight.

Cheers

-R.H.

My current dilemma

 So, I have a dilemma. As some of you may or may not know, I am a smoker.

I know, it’s bad for your health. It’s gross. It shortens lives. It’s against the word of wisdom. It goes against everything I was raised to know. Etc. etc. etc.

 I KNOW!

I don’t need the lecture right here or now. That isn’t the point of this post.

 The point of this post is this, my Engineering Officer has asked me to quit.

 Seems simple enough. He is even dangling a carrot in front of my while I work on it.

 One of my better friends (Chris Monkiewicz), was confronted with the same request/offer.

 So, after a few minutes of discussion, we have decided that this may actually be a good idea.

 So, after deciding that this might be a good idea, we decided that it will probably be a complete pain in the ass to actually do.  But still, it’s probably going to happen.

 As with everything else in life, there comes the serious of questions that define everything that happens; Who, What, When, Why, Where.

 So I offer up the following to you.

 WHO: Myself (Garen Anderson), and my friend (Chris Monkiewicz).

WHAT: Quit Smoking

WHERE: Uhm… right here? At… me? The boat? C’MON… this is a dumb one anyways.

WHEN: That’s the kicker right there now isn’t it?  We don’t know. I only know that it’s most likely going to happen. Probably within the next week considering I only have enough supplies for another carton on board.  The date will be posted soon.

WHY: Because as much as we may or may not enjoy the habit, we don’t really want to smoke. And we are being bribed.

 So, now that I know that this is most likely going to take place, I figure I’d talk a moment on why I do this.

Do I like to smoke? Not really. It’s a stress relief. Considering my life as of late, anything that relieves stress is a good thing in my book.

Does it taste good? Sometimes. Sometimes no. It really depends on the day, the brand, the weather, if I’ve been drinking lead laced water, and if I have just had a meal or not.

Additionally, have you ever had that first smoke after a meal? Oh my goodness, there is an odd satisfaction from it that just doesn’t come from anywhere else.

 I don’t like smoking. I don’t want to be that ex-smoker that makes everyone elses life hard. And I don’t want to come across as holier than thou to the rest of my friends, co-workers, or wife.

 So, if I pull it off, or if I don’t, I’m still going to try apparently.

 Here is to not being a smoker anymore.