I’m not addicted… I can quit any time Iwant

Addictions are a funny thing. I know for a fact that Ihave been suject to my own over that last few years.

-I’m a smoker who is trying to quit.
-I played World of Warcraft for about nine (9) years.
-I eat compulsively based on my surroundings.
-I don’t drink anymore, but when I did, Icould have been considered a temporary alcoholic.

The problem is I have an addictive personality. Well, at least that is what people tell me. I don’t quite think that statement holds much water, but it is still what people say. It sounds like a bunch of “do what you want and have something to blame it on” kind of excuse to me.
I think the big thing that people don’t do enough is take enough personal responsibility for their actions… myself included.

So, looking at each of my addictions, Ican see that each one can be conquered by taking personal responsibility for my actions in each case. As always, I have examples.

World of Warcraft: It’s funny, I have already broken this one. I quit playing about a year ago. Before that, I had quit playing for 6 months, picked it up again for three months due to attending a remote school, and then quit again. But like I said, I have been clean for around a year. I still find myself reading on the internet, or looking at screenshots, or looking for something to do and wishing that I could be back in Azeroth. I had a good time for those 9 years that I played. There was social content, a real mental challenge, and there was always something to do. Even if you were bored, you were having fun doing it. The game itself was addictive to the point that I would play for 8 hours a day. That’s a lot of time to ignore family, children, friends, and work.
It finally came to a close when it nearly impacted my marriage with a divorce. Needless to say, I don’t play anymore. Since quitting, I spend time with my children and my wife, and I have picked up other interests such as quilting and wood working that don’t require that kind of time investment that Ihad put in.
Personal responsibility allowed me to quit.

Smoking: This is a tough one. I have been a smoker for about 7 years now. I actually regret picking it up. It’s a horrible habit. I remember telling my wife that I could quit at any time. I picked it up and hadn’t stopped until about 3 days ago. I haven’t had a real cigarette in 72 hours. It’s a small amount of time, but it’s a start. It requires me to realize that I am personally responsibile for my actions. I chose to stop… so I stopped. Crazy right?!

Drinking: I don’t like hangovers so I don’t drink. Easy enough. Not gonna beat that dead horse.

Eating: Oh boy, this is why I actually started writing this post. Backstory time.
I found myself cleaning off my wifes desk yesterday and I had picked up a potpie that my daughter had barely touched. I remembered that I was watching my caloric intake so Icouldn’t have any of this deliciously salty meat and potato pie thing. As I walked to the kitchen, I said out loud “One bite won’t hurt”.
So I took a bite.
OMG it was good.
I took a second bite.
I actually verbally said “Garen, you can’t be eating this”. And then I started to argue internally that I couldn’t stop. I needed to eat this pie. I had to eat this food or something in the cosmos would never align properly.
I found that no matter how hard I tried, I could not put that food down.
I finished the 560 calorie pot pie that tasted like shame and guilt.
Salty shame, and tangy creamy guilt.
I sit on the couch each night with my wife and we watch TV. I find that we snack the entire time. I find that we almost always have a soda in our hands.
Personal responsibility hasn’t kicked all the way in yet.
I actually feel like Iam addicted to food. Good food, bad food, crappy food… just food.
I have a problem. I know that I do. I’m fully aware of it. I just need to find a way around it.

While I have been writing this post, I have come to an interesting series of thoughts. For someone that wants to be so outspoken against the evils of fatlogic, I sure seem to be showing some. So… how do I get around it?
Good question.
I’m thinking that personal responsibility my actually come in to play.
I go back to work tomorrow after a long holiday period off. I’m not sure how it will go for me regarding food. Looks like we’ll just have to see what happens.

Wish me luck? Or something?

-RH

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In a press conference held today with Saxton Hale, CEO of Mann Co., the landmark harassment case was discussed involving the acquisition of resources held by the Blood Eagle Clan.

Reports indicate that Blood Eagle tribesman references Saxton Hale as a “girly wuss”. Mann Co. replied by allowing Mr. Hale to airdrop in to an unknown battlefield while wrestling with poisonous cobras that caught fire during the freefall. After using the now charred snake skins as replacement hat bands, Saxton proceed to “Beat the crap” out of a tirbesman who referred to himself only as “a pathfinder” upon finding out that the tribesman’s only job was to “run away”.

Tribal warriors still seeking to remain actively employed have been offered temporary mercenary positions within Mann Co. pending a probationary period.

Negotiations were vicious, but a court appointed mediator assisted with the dealings before running away for “undisclosed reasons”.

More reports will follow upon Mr. Hale’s return from a gorilla punching expedition currently scheduled for Friday.

Okay, that was fun and all, but I don’t think it’ll ever get approved by the TF2 or Tribes communities as a whole. But hey, it’s fun to play with photoshop.

Regardless, this isn’t what I’m posting about today.

Instead, it’s about cross training.

Cross training you ask?

Yes… Cross training. And not the dumb kind that involves shoes, or exercise, or any legitimate effort. Screw that noise.

Instead, I speak of cross training of the video game type.

I have been heavily involved with two FPS games over the last couple of years. Team fortress 2 and Tribes.

We already know that I’m a filthy sand raker (Though Blood Eagle is quickly gaining steam in my book for some reason), but when it comes to TF2 I’m never quite sure if I’m more of a BLU or a RED fan. Both are awesome, BUT, unfortunately, (because I’m usually a blue team kinda guy), RED is taking the lead because BLU uses dumbass apple style products.

If there is one thing I stand by, it’s that fact that I CANNOT stand anything the supports the Apple mindset, culture, or mentality. iScrew iThat!

iDumbasses!

ahem… back to the topic at hand.

I’ve been playing these two games.

I’m usually a medic or an engineer type when I play Team fortress. Not a lot of aiming required and I can let the machines do most of the work for me. I like that. Not a lot of skill, and plenty of time to look good while I help others on my team. Yay for being a team player, right? Right!  TEAMWORK! (Queue up some Tenacious D right there).

Now, in tribes, I started as a soldier because I didn’t wanna be a heavy, and pathfinding wasn’t my thing. So, I spent my time and I learned to shoot at people. I then unlocked technician (I’ve been playing since early beta) and found that I really liked this class. Turrets are awesome but I’m still HEAVILY involved in actually shooting at people.

I worked on my aiming skills.

Spinfusors? Hell yeah!

Machine guns? Bring it.

Thumpers? *giggles*. Yes, I do love this weapon.

I’ve learned to shoot. I’ve learned to aim. And I’ve learned to lead my shots and actually hit stuff.

This is something that I had never really learned how to do in Team Fortress. I just could never quite figure it out. My shots were “too slow” in my opinion.

I’ve gotten good with the spinfusor again and my thumper is warm from use. I’ve gone fast, I’ve dropped turrets, I’d repaired generators, and I’ve shoved grenades down the throats of more brutes than I can care to count. It’s been glorious good fun. 

Anywho, I fired TF2 backup again today after being in tribes for a little bit during the last week or so. I sat down and picked soldier since there were too many engineers on my team. I saw the scout screaming across the screen in the distance (They really aren’t THAT fast ya know.”, and I let a rocket loose.

KER-BLAM!

That scout just took a rocket to the friggin FACE!

Suddenly, after spending WAY too much time with a spinfusor in my hands, I could aim and shoot rockets. This is new. This is exciting. This is reason to giggle as I proceeded to run around the server and shoot people in the friggin face. I’m not any good with a sniper rifle or even with the knife of a spy, but when it comes to rockets and pipe bombs of a demo man… I’m freaking dangerous!

I enjoy many games. These two are my current favorites. And while I didn’t expect to get any better at one because I played the other, I found that the unexpected side effect resulted in way more than I could have hoped for.

-R.H

*edit: Because Words